I received two early morning phone calls today. The first at 6:30am was from MD Anderson in Houston, Texas. Kaiser does not cover patients going out-of-network, so I was first informed of the necessary deposit... $25,097 before my first appointment. That sparked some anger. Why would I pay $25K to go across the country and be told I am not a candidate for their fertility sparing technique? The center director, who was VERY nice and understanding, explained that any money not used would be returned to me if I wanted to forgo treatment there. I'm not sure what the cost is, but if I decide to pursue a second opinion from them, I would have to pay for the pathologist to test my slides, the radiologist to read my PET scan and the Doctor for his physical exam and time. I thanked her for her time and said I would call her after we talked to Stanford. While I am expecting to pay the same amount of money, I prefer to be closer to home. Then at 7:30am, I received a call from my oncologist’s office. He wants to see me at 10:30am today. No word on what the appointment is about, so my mind is left to wonder. Do doctors ever call you in for good news? He has the results of my PET scan which will show if the cancer has metastasized to other areas of my body. Only time will tell me if he has good news or bad news. I just have to figure out what to do for the next 2.5 hours before the appointment. My mind is not at rest. For those friends and family around me lately, I’m sorry if I am acting angry towards you. I’m angry at my body and don’t know how to navigate through the feelings of anger, fear and anxiety.
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I am a 26 year old cancer "ass kicker." In my free time I like to read novels that tug at your heart strings, play with my dogs, dance to any kind of music and (poorly) sing along to whatever is playing. I would not be the person I am today without my loving family and friends who support me in everything I do and laugh at my bad jokes.